Monday, December 12, 2011

Massage and the "big winners"

Well it's Monday again, so I'm falling behind schedule with my updates!  So here's what went down at last week's Child Birthing Class...

First things first, we got a new teacher. She is no doubt a bit crunchy but so much better than Sue. So this week's class was all about stress techniques and calming the mother yourself during the birth. Most of what was taught involved the husband doing some sort of massage - be it - head, back, hand, etc. The best part was that for each technique she described,  she then had the husbands test out their "capabilities" on their wives. Oh, oh, and we got to use the pillows! Did I mention that I love pillows about as much as I love robes.

So yes, they had us lay on the floor (sans groaning/rolling around as John expected), with pillows and made our husbands massage us for like an hour. Let's put it this way, I wasn't going to complain. Usually I have to pay $80+ for the rub-down at some local spa, but this one John was "forced" into doing with no strings attached. Of course he told me that I tricked him into going to this class so I could get massaged.  Truthfully, I had no idea what the class agenda was going to be, but it worked out for me. Of course John gave me a hard time when I told him that I needed more of the lavender mint lotion for the hand massage part (you know me, go big or go home) and said he wouldn't be able to drive home because his hands would be slipping off the steering wheel. Fear not, I got more lotion and we made it home - win/win.

So clearly getting an unexpected massage was the highlight of the night, but a close second was John and I continuing to get a laugh at overachievers in our class. There is one couple in particular that really throws us for a loop... they look totally normal, could maybe be friends of ours, and then they start with their questions/comments and it's game over. They have clearly been taking this whole birthing education thing to a new level and are in it to prove they are the most educated people out there. They  have read every book, taken multiple classes at the hospital, plan to have a natural non-medicated birth, and love to show how much they know. So it should have come to no surprise that when our new instructor, Christi, asked if any of us had done the hospital tour already their hands were first in the air. Truth be told, John and I had already done the tour too... a few weeks back when picking the hospital before I realized they were going to do a tour in this class (we're not losers, I swear). So our instructor told us we'd be touring for the first hour of the following week's class and since we had already done it we could meet up with the class an hour later next week. I, of course wanted to high-five John and yell out "woohoo" like when a teacher in college cancelled class (inappropriate). But what do you think Frick and Frack our "winner" classmates who had also already attended the tour said, "Oh Christi, we'd like to do the tour again." Seriously brown nosers?!? Did you not get enough the first time? Does seeing a hospital bed and equipment really do it for you?  I don't get it. I mean, I am all for feeling prepared, but these two are over the top. Fine, they win. And don't get John started on the other classmate who was asking about how he could get down next to the doctor while his wife was pushing and ensure he would see the crowning.
I'm beginning to think we are the crazy ones for wanting to have a birth where we let the doctors "drive," that doesn't involve mirrors down there (or my husband), and one that uses modern medicine/pain meds. To each their own, but in our class it's for sure that one of these things is not like the others, and it's us.

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